The complications of modern-day au naturale beauty

We live in the era of self-love and pure, unfiltered and untouched beauty, right? 

Well, in reality, this era of natural beauty we live in is not so simple as they all like to paint it: Accept it, embrace it, and love it. For some, maybe it really is that simple. But, for me, it’s not always been.

My parents raised me to understand the value of self-worth. And I'm so grateful to have always been loved and celebrated simply for who I am. Still, there have been so many (so so many) stages where I struggled embracing who I am, right where I am. 

Going from my teen years to twenties and then thirties, there are certain expectations I subconsciously had for myself. The surprising one in my thirties was this idea that I would no longer be easily swept up by today’s standards of beauty. 

Since I was a kid, with an affinity for film and editorial, I held a lot of weight and insecurities in looks and a so-called “personal style,” more than I’d care to admit. I'll talk numbers briefly here - don’t worry Enneagram-haters, this will be quick: Supposedly I’m a 5 wing 4 - the investigator, who idealizes and searches for the best among the best. My wing (hi, 4’s) also delights in being different. 

At the same time, I’ve strived for an ideal, or rather, grounded sense of self. (Hence, the push and pull.) Who I am and how I view myself internally matters a great deal. My psyche knows that seeking my identity through who I see in the mirror is a faulty sense-of-self. The reflection falls flat; someday when I’m 78, and too old to worry about who's going to notice if I’m wearing the same trousers three days in a row, what I see is not going to matter.

Many say we’re no longer in a “Barbie world,” so to speak, but one scroll through Instagram, and you may be hard-pressed to suggest otherwise. The push and pull of insecurities within the pursuit of effortless attraction can be oddly overwhelming and almost teasing at times. (Particularly when you think of all the makeup, cost of outfits, natural lighting, and extra filtering often involved.)

This modern pursuit of a fabricated natural beauty can be a bit of a trap. 

Let me set up the scene for you: You’re feeling ok about yourself. You pick up your phone and begin to scroll Instagram for “inspiration.” After mentally collecting more posts than one woman can pull off in a lifetime, you glance at your reflection to find nowhere near the inspiration you see on your phone. Suddenly - even if ever so subtly - you are not quite so pretty, not quite where you would like to be style-wise, and not quite enough. As these daily scrolls add up, you not only begin to set the bar so high for yourself but don’t even recognize you’ve set multiple, unattainable bars. From the time you get on to the time you exit off the app, you are left feeling subpar to collectively everyone else’s standards of beauty- in many ways, by your own choosing.

I’m not sure we realize how often we function in a comparative outlook. When we don’t know how to set boundaries on our expectations or what we consume, our brains quickly forget what is truly natural to begin with. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m as much of a sucker for Rosie Huntington Whitely’s tutorial on full brows as the next girl. But if we’re not careful, we can allow trivial self-expressions to become such a strong representation of our identity that we can no longer draw a line between the inward qualities that make up who we are from the outer efforts we work to maintain. 

But if one thing these recent years, and the great love of my life, Aaron (let me give credit where credit is due) has taught me is that when it is truly natural beauty, it doesn’t require more anything. It does not require a flesh-toned highlighter. It doesn’t require fuller brows. It doesn’t require spending an extra 15 minutes and texturizer to make my hair look more unkempt. Natural beauty does not require, period.

When we can discover how to remove ourselves from a state of comparing (in any way, shape, or form), we can then find our most beautiful self. And finally, stop working at it - which will probably be even more attractive because it is relaxed and content just as is. 

And it doesn’t even need to be posted on Instagram to be valid.