Single and Finding My Way


If you would’ve told the 18 year-old me, who woke up every day listening to Celine Dion on replay, that she would face 28 without a man, she probably would still be in her bed. As a young girl it’s easier to be vocal about romanticized hopes, but growing up as a young adult in this feminine-empowering culture you tend to want to mask such emotions. Thank God, we no longer live in a time that rates a women’s success on her relationship status, well at least outside of your your extended relative do (been there.) We’re well past the days where a woman is viewed as incomplete without a ring on her finger. We’re finally viewed as prosperous beings all on own.  Though I think, whether we’d admit it or not, many of us single ladies feel at times that we’d have a clearer sense of direction in life with a man by our side. You know, as if they know what they’re doing any better than we do. (Am I wrong?)

There’s never been a more opportune time to be a female in our culture, but I think there are parts of the feminine psyche that can still attaches much of it’s self-worth and potential to our relational status, regardless of what era we live in. It’s one reason why films like Pride & Prejudice will always have an audience. Women of their time lived to love. Though it’s hard to imagine what it would’ve been like as a female in those day; say Sense and Sensibility. Most of the women sat around reading sonnets and fine tuning their piano skills all day, waiting for this one man to come “calling” and finally take them to progress beyond their current home lives. What we romanticize, really seemed like rather a daunting role; waiting on a man to make sense of your life.

I can’t  think of a time when I was more confused than when I was dating, (which is typically a good sign you shouldn’t be dating.) Though with each guy I dated, I kind of hoped it would bring more clarity to my life and my purpose. Still after every one of them, life made less sense than before. Rather than feeling like every relationship was “forming the woman I am today” it felt more it was stunting my growth. Most of us know when you’re dating there’s this initial tinge of excitement you alway meet, like life might finally feel complete with this one person. Like your Jerry McGuire “You complete me.”- moment might be just dates away. But if it’s not right (like in all my cases) it’s not too long before that excitement wears off, and you have a clear picture of what feels like this big black whole your on the brink of blindly jumping into. And… you find you’re back at square one, hoping the next guy will have the answers. Hoping the next guy will somehow draw out of you the women you want to be.

Why wait to be that woman? Some of us let singleness lead us to this confused or lost state of mind that immobilizes us from developing our passions, when singleness is  the most opportune time to do just that. We underestimate all that we are able to bring to life as single individuals. There is never a time, like when you’re single, where you’re more free to discover what you do best and what will drive you to grab every opportunity that life gives. Sure life isn’t always comfortable as single woman in this world, but someone put’s best that “life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” So I’m glad life didn’t quite to fall into place the way I anticipated at age 18.  So if you’re reading this and are 18 (or any age) and single. Soak it up and live. It’s a gift. (1 Cor. 7)