While the common arguments to avoid sex, often thrown from conservative circles, focus on the consequences of STD’s, pregnancy and to fit a status quo - the reasons any could muster up the wherewithal to maintain any physical perimeters, falls into none of the above.
When you’re often told you’ll soon be past the age of your sexual prime (though the story on this is always shifting) it’s questionable why anyone would want to be less than sexually active as possible. After all, this is what the single life is generally most coveted for, no? Quite possibly there are some who’ve decided to maintain virginity for a mere label, but for the majority of those who choose to navigate their sexuality in such a way, the reasons far extend status quo.
Yet for any female with the slightest romantic inclination to the opposite sex, the ability to lose oneself within the melting pot of vulnerability is likely for even the most ruthless, seemingly-stoic, feminist of females. Even those of us stand-offish, private and headstrong hate to admit the puddle we would gladly fall into within the hands of the right guy. Consider it our curse, if you will. At least I do, when I think of my willingness to offer a ride to the mall an hour out of town for a boyfriend who, just hours prior, told me to call and wait for AAA when my tire blew two mile away from his house. And particularly when I consider my eagerness to drop my dinner plans to go out last minute with a boyfriend, who didn’t call in over a week, just to break up with me over a slice of pizza, and proceed to join him at a miserable viewing of Jim Carrey’s The Number 23 with a row of teens from the youth group he interned at, simply because he invited you. (Note to self: once a guy ends the relationship, end the date.) When I think of the outlandish scenarios that I readily endured for guys who had my keen, naive interest - as independent as I like to think I am - I’m floored at the female’s ability to become pure putty within the vicinity of the right guy.
So when it comes to our physical availability with the right guy (an always questionable phrase) well, for that guy there’s few things many of us aren’t willing to do. Of course, it’s part of the beauty of relationship, this vulnerable readiness to fulfill someone’s needs, and their equal eagerness to meet yours.
But in these very moments, most of us can be so ready to do, say, be whatever it is a guy wants (particularly before entering the working world, where many of us finally learn to speak up for ourselves) that we forget the things we want beyond that very date.
Before you learn to navigate it, you have to know why you want to navigate your sexuality. Why you might not want to kiss every set of lips that become available to you. Why you’d like to be a virgin when you get married, or something close to it. Or why you wouldn’t want to not be having sex when you could. If you don’t know the why, don’t want to discover a why, well you’re almost better off just letting loose. Because, otherwise, choosing to force a lifestyle of sexual reservation upon yourself with no clear reason as to why, will quickly run you down; or you’ll just become a prude.
Understanding the why, why you refrain (or don’t) from anything in life, may only deepen your understanding of self, if not simply solidify it.
For singles today, when the likelihood of marriage anytime before 35 is not really in our favor, and some easy, momentary taming of physical frustration is within arm’s reach, navigating one’s sexuality sounds completely nonsensical.
Though when faced with the polarizing qualms of modern love, a little navigation may be the only way to keep you sensible in a realm of life that continues to lose much of its sensibility.