So we’re pretty much known to champion our status to the world, as single females; to wear the independence of singledom and womanhood as a badge of honor, earning us the freedom to roam about the globe at the drop of a hat, eat caviar and blinis for dinner, and fiercely live and work in a way that the world feels the weight of who we are.
First off, singles I know rarely brag about being single unless they’re instigating a match up, some of us feel well-traveled when we hit the beach more than twice a summer, and the only caviar I ever see is the orange kind on top of my sushi, which I believe is called is fish roe. (And Lord knows I don’t even eat that often enough.) And when it comes to our identity, more of us would rather hold off from coming into a full definition of self, leaving wiggle room to conveniently change and sway, let alone allow the world to feel the weight of who we are.
As Christian single females, fewer of us take the time to find who we’re meant to be, and even less effort to attempt to live confidently in that. More often than not, it’s due to a slight preoccupation and most common pitfall.
It’s common, because it’s comfortable.
As single women we tend to feel we’re not yet fully who we are meant to be until we’re in the right relationship. Sometimes, just a relationship. Yet in this vein, we come to a place in our heads where we qualify our indefinite relationship status with an indefinite sense of self. That exactly who we are is in a waiting game, on hold for someone else to come and bring definition to. As females (dare I say, at the risk of sounding sexist, possibly more than males) we often accept that the core of our values, priorities and sometimes even career goals, aren’t yet fully established until that someone arrives.
We’re quicker to apply to a school based on a crush attending (anyone remember Ben from J.J. Abram’s Felicity?), quicker to scrap plans with a close friend, if it means even a chance to get within the vicinity of this guy, find ourselves scrolling to discover who they follow on Instagram, and find ourselves easily swayed to change taste in the smallest things, like tv shows. (And if it’s Game of Thrones, it’s a sore sacrifice.) Often we’re even so inspired to bend our political preferences accordingly, and possibly even moral convictions to be palatable enough to match someone who may or may not even care for boundaries. We tend to cling to some kind of romantically formulated superstition that we hope will carry us to this guy, and in the midst of being led by this empty notion lose quite a bit of ourselves, not to mention a pathetic amount time.
Many of us are just hardwired for romance and somehow find something romantic in the idea that someone else holds our true identity - we just have yet to find them. And therefore, have yet to truly discover ourselves. Rather, we wait and waiver those infinite decisions and standards for life based on the next guy that will send our hearts a pitter-patter. (Never mind holding monstrous expectation for that guy.)
Eager for this guy, we have such a natural inclination to alter our values and tastes to cater to whichever guy we currently have our sights set on. As hard as we work to frame it up to the world that we’re boss, and have it all under control, we are remarkably susceptible to shift and change with every new prospect. Granted the modern single female is more empowered to be who she is now than ever. Still, single females seem to fear that having a clear voice and ground rules, as a foundation for her life, will weed out more options of men than you may be comfortable with.
And rest assure - it most definitely will.
But are you more comfortable with coming to fully know who you are, what you believe and enter the life you’re created for, even if it means sitting in the waiting room longer than most?
Or would you rather comfortably step into a life with a guy, unsure of exactly who you are?
Coming to know who you are and what you stand for in a way that allows the world to feel the weight of yourself is never a breeze. But it just may be the most critical task at hand during this single season.