I’ve always tried to have a teachable spirit, if you will, an open mind to understand the way both the old and new world could benefit my journey - particularly in relationships.
When a woman, faithfully married some 20 years, begins to share raw insight on the struggles a marriage inevitably brings, I listen up. When an elder cues me in on how looks eventually subside and all that matters by age 73 is the loyalty that lies between you both, I take note. When my college-age sister suggests I could maybe rewire my perception in social settings and loosen up a bit, I try to take heed.
When a happily married couple (happily, meaning regardless of how the wife may whine about all the sex it takes to keeps her husband tame), proceed to tell me to just get out there, to go ahead and dabble in the world of online relationships, and to “just have fun dating” while I still have these years of “freedom”, my ears go deaf.
If you’ve missed out on the joys of looking for a guy in the days of modern love, and proceed to give me pointers on how to lighten up and enjoy it, I tend to become a little hard of hearing. For starters, fun and dating as a single adult do not coexist. And certainly not in my realm of reality.
I’m not sure who would find the gut-twisting anticipation of coffee and movie with a stranger fun. Or enjoy winding up at a stuffy dinner with a socially inept meat-head, eager to talk of nothing more than engineering and Fast and Furious 7. Or even engage the whole long-distance matchmaking thing, where you eventually host a visit to test the waters, find compatibility is slim to none, have to spell out that “Yes. Chemistry does matter”, just to discover the same guy pursuing you will come out of the closet nine months later.
Or, consider the simple casual dinner offer, being led through an entire meal answering in-depth questions on your passions and plans for the future, only to hears the words, once the waiter arrives, “Separate checks, please.”
But, I get it. This whole thing is difficult on everyone all around.
Though, could it just be stated for the record, there may not be a more confusing, odd time to be a single female. (And people wonder how the hookup culture came to be).
In short: modern love is abnormal.
Dating is not the stroll in the park it may have been for our mothers. I’m not sure if its formalities can any longer fit into current culture, making this whole navigating thing quite the puzzle.
Or, maybe I’m the only one who finds herself in a near state of panic anytime I pass an older, clearly bitter single woman who seems perfectly content cut off from the rest of the world. The grey haired, Target-lady bowl cut types you see at the grocery store, dressed in what can’t quite be distinguished as a sweat suit or pajamas, as if to say “screw you” to the world, strolling past with a cart full of pineapple cottage cheese and cat food. (Just one of the many anxieties in life for a singlegirl.)
It’s a well known fact that us singles are marrying later, if at all. We are less the committal type, and a bit more the thrill-seeking type, the majority of the time, our eyes wide open for the next best thing. When traditional forms of dating went out the window, traditional relationships seem to as well. This does not quite make a simple recipe for love. Frankly, over the years it's seems even love has changed it's form.